2.24.2009

he giveth more grace

He giveth more grace as our burdens grow greater,
He sendeth more strength as our labours increase,
To added afflictions He addeth His mercy,
To multiplied trials, He multiplies peace.

When we have exhausted our store of endurance,
When our strength has failed ere the day is half done
When we reach the end of our hoarded resources
Our Father's full giving is only begun.

His love has no limits; His grace has no measure,
His power no boundary known unto men
For our of His infinite riches in Jesus
He giveth, and giveth, and giveth again.

What a comfort these words are to me. What a reminder of my savior's faithful provision of grace upon grace for me, the chief of sinners, each morning. I feel like I've been plagued lately. I'm sort of in a season of unique trials. Jesus is allowing some wounds of mine from a long time ago to re-open so He can properly heal them. For a long time I've tried to wrap them in my own bandages, but they've proven weak and temporary. Only when I look to Jesus instead will I experience healing and fullness and joy and satisfaction. How wonderful it is to have a Father who cares for me. How precious it is to be of more value than the sparrows and the lilies. Because of Jesus.

I am learning about the love of the Father. I don't think my heart believes God, the King of Heaven and earth, loves me specifically and treasures me as His creation. I've always blown off the whole "Jesus loves you" thing because I thought it was selfish. I want to focus on what Jesus did on the cross and HIS sufficiency, but so much that I forget I was created in His image, I am His beloved daughter, and His love for me runs deep. I want to view my God as a loving, kind, gentle Father, but I must ask him for this each day because It's surely not my default. Once someone told me to "just sit and bask in the Father's love for me." I laughed. I thought that was selfish. I said I didn't know how. I said I would rather study my Bible. Then I realized that 90% of my faith is intellectual. How often do I allow the Lord to love me, just as I am? I realize it's only because of Jesus that He looks on me with a smiling countenance, but I want to find a balance. I just want to be His daughter. and rest.

Today as I walked out of my StuGov meeting, a professor of mine said I looked droopy. Then a boy on senate with me said my face looks like it's melting. Yes-- today I am very sick. I have a terrible cold. How inopportune. I bought thirty dollars worth of medicine at Walgreens today. I want to get better soon because I have a distance ed course from this summer to complete before Friday (astronomy anyone?), a bunch of writing to work on, and some serious traveling coming up in the next week. Thursday afternoon I leave for Virginia Beach to see my friend Bri. I am thinking of moving there with her for the summer, but I've never actually been there. I need to make a decision by Sunday whether I'll stay in the cities or move. I think I know what Jesus would have me do, but I need to wait till I see Bri's place and pray over it with her and seek a little more counsel on it.

Next Thursday at 4:45 am, two friends and I are driving to Chicago. From there, we are flying to London and will be there for about a week. Then we're spending three days in Madrid. I've had this trip planned since October, but I still don't feel like it's real. I mean, Europe Spring Break 09. I have so much going on that I can't even slow down to think about it. I probably will wake up in some hostel in London and think I'm in an alternate universe for three days before I actually understand that it's Spring Break and I have nothing to do but explore, meet people, and write.

Wonderful.

P.S. I graduate college in 81 days. Hi world.